Frequently Asked Questions you may have about Facebook:
1. What is Facebook?
A: Facebook's main function is to provide an avenue for naturally unfocused students to practice procrastination. According to our statistics, Facebook user numbers increase around June and November of each year which bizarrely enough, coincides with the examination timetables of most universities and schools.
Facebook also functions as a place for people who wish to stalk their friends without wanting to look too much like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. This as a result has coined the term "Facebook stalking" which involves the process of continually checking your friends Facebook pages at least 10 times in one day to note any updates to their social activities. An example of this would be with Lisa and Sarah. Lisa wanted to see if Sarah was going to be available for catching up on Thursday night this week. Instead of asking her in person or even sending a simple text message, she checked her Facebook events page to see that Sarah was already going to be attending the Toga Party that night. The next time Lisa saw Sarah was on Friday morning. When she asked Sarah how the Toga Party was, Sarah asked her how she knew about it. Unsurprisingly, Lisa received quite a weird stare from Sarah when she said that she had Facebook stalked her to find out.
2. Why does it matter whether I have one friend or 3,000?
Facebook likes to encourage people to believe they are popular based solely on the amount of people in their friendship list. By classifying their account as "In Progress" when they only have 143 friends, Facebook labels those they deem to be underdeveloped hence the expression "In Progress". Its basically a nice way of saying "You are a loser and you should get more friends, NOW!"
This phenomena has also instigated the bizarre practice of people only becoming "official" with their partners only until they have changed their Facebook relationship status. An example of this relates to Sam and Leila. Leila and Sam have been seeing eachother for a while now but when asked if they were going out, neither one could give an answer. Both said that they were unsure about what their "relationship label" i.e boyfriend/girlfriend, exclusive etc, was because Facebook had not determined it yet.
3. Why should I use Facebook?
Facebook gives people the false sense of security that they actually have a social life. By saying "I'll talk to you on FB chat" or "I'll write on your wall", we believe that we are actually having real conversations with our friends. Similarly, face-to-face gossip relays into commenting on people's statuses, photos, wall posts and various other activities that you can complete on Facebook. This allows people to believe that they are interacting with their friendship circle when the reality is, they are merely making comment on it. Finally, Facebook gets everyone on the internet at pretty much the same time on various evenings i.e 7:00pm Monday night, so that the government does not need to worry about spending money on providing youth centers or other creative outlets for them.
0 comments:
Post a Comment